Dear Angry Fat Bike Hater Man,
I’m sorry that you hate bikers riding along Minnesota’s most beautiful parkway River Road. I’ve got to tell you, it really made my evening when you called me Lance, even if it was to say “Hey Lance! Get out of the F****ing road!” But seriously I’ve been working hard on my biking over the last couple of years and it really does validate my progress. Thanks for your (sort of) support – it means a lot.
I can see how it might confuse you that I’m supposed to be biking in the road. I can tell by your big hickish beard, overalls and that giant belly that you have no idea how to ride a bike. Allow me to share some tidbits:
First, you can’t bike on the path if you go more than 10 miles per hour. This is a hard fact to learn for you I’m sure, since I can tell you haven’t even walked a mile in ten years let alone know how slow I’d have to go to go less than ten miles per hour.
I know it must be hard to read from where you come from – Anoka perhaps? but if you bothered to look at the rather large markings painted on the road in gigantic white letters you would see the word bike with an arrow above it. I’m no genius but these markings generally tell you that bikes have a lane and even subtly point in what direction they’re supposed to go.
Maybe you don’t resent riders. Maybe you just resent me. Allow me to introduce myself – My name is Charles Goodman and I am riding my triathlon bike during an organized practice with my Performance Power triathlon club. No? Still doesn’t help? I think I know why. It must be because my bike is worth more than your 1997 spaceship looking Dodge Caravan. That has to be it! Of course! You must hate my guts because I’m biking as fast as your van and it can’t go faster than this. I can tell because your van sounds like a motorcycle and smells like a lawn mower. Way to go…
Let’s agree to disagree here fella. My name is Charles Goodman and I’m a decent biker and you should go back to driving your van in Anoka where you obviously have no idea how to drive next to a biker. Let’s chat again sometime soon – say this Saturday in Stillwater? I have a longer bike so we can have a more meaningful conversation.
Thanks!
Charles